You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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