my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
