it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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