he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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