i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
