Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My penis needs a shock collar
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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