dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
