my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it glows. i had to have it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
