Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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