yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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