The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
