Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
