I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have tasted many bathrooms
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