you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
