He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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