why didn't you poke me back
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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