Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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