her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
