I smell stomach acid.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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