You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
