I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
