I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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