The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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