I love black thongs
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
