I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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