Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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