Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
whose ass print is on the piano?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
