No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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