There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
