It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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