get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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