O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
