I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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