can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
