Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
