dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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