I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
