I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
