He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
