The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
