next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
