My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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