i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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