this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
