Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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