That's intense
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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