Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
