If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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