my sisters under your porch take her home
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
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