wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
