i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I am one with the molecules
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
