Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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