I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
