The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
