the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
