my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
