Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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