Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
this boner is exhausting
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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