they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
