I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
