The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize