At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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