I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
