I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
