i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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