Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
