bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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