His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
