so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
