Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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