I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
